Good thing I disclaimed this blog as being a roller coaster from the gitgo. If you've been reading, you've probably noticed my tornado-esque mind spinning. Am I going to remain home full-time? And I going to try to go back to work full-time? Am I going to school? Am I going to try to actually get this whole writing thing off the ground?

This is very much "me." Always has been. I have noticed, through years of self-examination (in lieu of therapy) that I have a tough time settling down and being content with my life as it is in any one moment. Much of that probably comes from years of events occurring, many of which were out of my control, that would catch me off-guard and require me to jump and deal. So now, when things are calm for any length of time, it doesn't sit all that well with me. I am constantly looking for the "next big thing." A move, a new job, school, a new baby. Something on which to focus my attention.

Recently, I wanted to try to submit some pieces of work to publications on a freelance basis after I had been blogging for awhile and received good feedback. But I didn't. Fear of rejection and feeling arrogant. I have felt arrogant since I started blogging. And then, when I was faced with the thought of actually sending something in to a magazine for consideration...well, let's just say I froze.

So I started to think about nursing school. I still hold great interest in it, but really, who am I kidding? Just because I can let my kid cover me in puke and intestinal worms without flinching does not a nursing candidate make. And the truth is, I found myself looking for ways and reasons to avoid achieving what I really wanted. I thought I could abandon my love for writing by throwing myself into something completely different.

It didn't work.

I just started thinking about this whole thing from my readers' perspectives and thought, "I must seem like a total kook! I change my mind about everything constantly!" And all I can say to that is, yeah, I do and I am a total kook. But I'm getting better. Just applying for this whole Examiner thing and then doing it has been a step toward unkookiness. I'm trying. Trying to sort it all out and figure out how I can be the best mom and wife to my family, and the best person to myself.

This is a long-winded way of saying thanks for staying on the roller coaster with me. It would be so boring if I were just a set in my ways, sure of myself carousel rider. Enjoy the kookiness. We're never in short supply here.