Since the Gosselin Train Wreck (as I am affectionately referring to it these days) began, I have been mesmerized. Utterly mesmerized. I waited with bated breath to see the much anticipated Season 5 premiere this week along with the rest of the planet. I admit that I initially believed that this whole scandal erupted at an all-too-convenient time. Between the appearances on every talk show known to man and the unending plugging for the new season and her new book, it all fit too neatly into place. And while the media blitz unfolded, Kate began her appearances as an icy diplomat who rapidly transformed into the Ice Queen. What better way to boost ratings? It was all so juicy, and a great way to get people to tune in and then show us that while things may get difficult, love and family will triumph. I really believed we would see them move past all of the rumors and refocus on each other and their babies. But after watching the premiere, I believe that Kate Gosselin just needs a serious bitch slapping. And that the fabric of the American family is becoming more and more frayed with every reality TV show that hits the airwaves.

My take will not be popular. But it's mine. And I'm sticking to it.

When I (and my kids, for that matter) fell in love with this show, I admired Kate for her organizational abilities and the way she could keep a clean house with roughly 2.69 times more kids than I have. I admired their normalcy in the face of an anything-but-normal-sized brood of kids. I can remember watching DVR'd episodes of the show while we were still living in Maryland, while I was struggling to get through the first few months of having Lizzy at home with all of her special needs, and Kate Gosselin inspired me to strive for order, peace, and routine in the face of complicated circumstances. If she could do it for eight, I could do it for three, regardless of Lizzy's needs. But she has become someone who is unrecognizable to me (and I imagine her family, too). I am now, after watching this transformation and the premiere, 100% anti-Kate. And so, so very sad for their children, who are obviously aware of the strain on their family. (Did anyone else hear Alexis ask Daddy not to go away anymore? Ironic that none of the kids are asking Mommy to stay home.) Having come from a divorced home, I can tell you that the kids get it, right away, and parents can tell themselves that the kids don't know. But they do. They always do.

I wonder if Kate Gosselin (or whoever this person in her skin now is) has ever stopped to think about something: What if TLC had never picked up their show? What if she didn't have book deals and public speaking engagements? What if they weren't raking in $75k an episode for pimping out their family? What if no one was impressed by or drawn to their big family? What then? How would they have made it work with all these kids?

They would have had to deal with massive financial strain and strife. They would have had to figure out ways to make ends meet. They would have been like every other non-televised family in America. I guess I buy it that they wanted to provide a more comfortable life for their family. Honestly, I would have wanted the same. But I have to admit that I've been cringing watching her yell at him about every little thing since the beginning of the show, and if I treated Pete that way and then left to plug my books, etc., I can totally see him checking out like Jon did, too. I think she has an enormous ego and need for attention, and that very little in her life has ever been about anyone but her and those two pieces of her psyche. We've watched various people come in and out of their lives in the past couple of years. Where did they go? Did they disagree with her about something (like her hair) and were sent packing? She has gone through family, friends and staff like disposable diapers, and I see something similar emerging as this conflict with Jon has become public. He doesn't want this anymore. So rather than fight for her family and the sanctity of her marriage via sacrificing her new lifestyle, she'd rather dispose of another person. Only this time it's the father of the eight children she claims to love more than herself. Who knew a mother of eight could be so selfish, yet believe her own crap when she says that everything she does is for her kids? (Hellooooooo? Try staying home with them once in a while. Like you used to!)

Too much money and greed. The poison in our waters. And on top of it, she's indignant that her emasculated hubby has had enough of her treatment of him. She takes no responsibility for her driving him out the door. After he turned himself into a stay-at-home dad while she travels the country without any kids in tow and sports that ridiculous hairdo. (Seriously, doesn't she have any people? Or has she fired everyone who told her how dumb that hair is??) That man, in my opinion, has been pretty plain in the past year about not wanting all of the craziness that came along as a result of doing this show, as well as having demonstrated his very long rope of patience in putting up with her treating him like a eunich in nearly every episode. But I think she likes all of this hoo-ha. The paparazzi, the attention, the fame, the money, the big white glasses, the staff, the huge house. The dumb hair. She's there, she wants it, she loves it. It has clearly never been about caring for her marriage (despite the farce of a vow renewal not too long ago). And it's no longer about her kids. I'd argue it was never about them, either...but we don't have all day here.

Marriage is so hard. Making it work is the hardest job other than parenthood. And I have to be honest here and acknowledge that I see some of myself in her. I think many women do. Women are controlling. (Me.) Men are aloof. Women are bossy. (Me.) Men don't want to know how to do anything (sometimes), and when they try, it's not done to our standards. (Yep, that's me, too.) But I can tell you that watching her treatment of him has made me seriously step back and check myself with regard to the way I treat my husband, not only in front of others but when it's just the two of us, too.

(The former law student in me realizes that she has a defensible side, too. And it would be much easier for me to side with the girl in this whole thing. He's not been a saint and I'm sure he's a pain in the ass, too. But this a blog and I don't have to be objective.)

I don't know why this has struck such a chord in me. But it has. I guess in the end it might do everyone some good to turn the train wreck off and let the show come to an end. That might be the best thing...for family-based reality TV to get on its horse and slink away into the dark night, so that crazy housewives like me can get back to basics.

Because it's all about me. Not to be too "Kate Gosselin" about this or anything.