Turning Points

This weekend witnessed a major turning point in our household. I was, obviously, at my wit's end by Friday, so much so that I started calling therapists specializing in crazy kids because Erin was so out of control (or was it me who was out of control? hmmmmmm...) that I could actually see the fibers of our family pulling apart right in front of me...again.

Then Friday afternoon rolls around, after a horrible night before it with no one here but me, and I get a call from the nurse at Erin's school. She has a fever, belly ache, sore throat and cough. I went to pick her up, brought her home, and instantly felt the guilt piercing through my skin, realizing that my child needed me these past few days, and I was nowhere to be found. I was so busy being sucked inside my own brain, swirling around in a tornado of selfishness, thinking about what job I could get to get me out of here and what therapist I could hire to correct the problems for me. No wonder she was bonkers. And that's when the change began.

Pete and I spent the weekend talking, reevaluating, re-centering and realizing that we have really been shitty parents lately. If I had been paying attention to my kids instead of other meaningless diversions and sources of negativity, I would have seen the graffiti on the walls of my home telling me my child was getting sick and needed hugs. Maybe the fights wouldn't have been so brutal and numerous. Maybe she would've felt loved even in the face of coming down with a nasty virus so that the virus didn't feel quite so nasty. So we spent time together as a family this weekend and while Erin was definitely sicker Saturday than Friday, her attitude and disruptive behavior subsided because she had her parents' love and attention. No therapist required.

The big girls did go to my mom's to sleep on Saturday night, which was amazing timing because Liz went to bed at 6:30 pm and Pete and I had a ton of time to really talk and refocus our attention to our values and to that which has always been most important to us, as individuals, as a couple, and as a growing family: to come at all relationships from a place of love and compassion. For some reason, that basic principle which drew us to each other almost 15 years ago has gotten lost in the shuffle lately. His stress level, my stress level, both of us feeling as if we've been so put upon by life and resentful to everyone because of it...all of it compounding and creating a most unpleasant environment. We realized through our talking and listening to each other that we both have been given such gifts by this family we've created, and we are squandering precious time and opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of our children by acting as if we're pissed that they're here. We really connected on this issue, and once the kids came back the next day, we felt whole, complete, and happy to be together. He took the big girls roller skating, I stayed behind and continued my quest for organization and cleanliness, and we all came back together for a perfect evening.

Who knew it could be so simple? Stop acting like a grump...and life suddenly feels pretty good.

I just alluded to this...but I also admitted to him that I have been feeling like a complete failure in the homemaker department. The Fab 5 put it best on "Queer Eye"..."the presence of clutter is the number one sign that a person's life is out of control." I have felt overwhelmed by the utter lack of neatness and organization in my home and have had no idea where to start to get it under control. So we got up on Sunday morning and started in Erin and Meghan's bedroom. We purged two huge trash bags full of crapola, tidied and organized together...and when they came home from Mom-Mom's, they looked around as if they'd been transported into another world.

[Light bulb moment: Maybe another reason my kids have been bonkers is because they have been living in surroundings that are chaotic and insane??? (I came up with this without the help of the Fab 5, I'll have you know.)]

So I've made it a point for the past few days to get the computer turned off and really buckle down to get rid of the crap and get my job done around here. We're only a few days in, but I have to say, I see improvement in our surroundings and general attitudes already.

And an aside...there is NOTHING more attractive than a man who is a good dad to his kids, full of patience and kindness and love and no agenda. And that's what Pete got back to this weekend. Hot damn! It's so beautiful to see him relishing his daughters as they worship him right back. So much love.

So I learned this weekend that if you live life, really live it, and are willing to learn from it, it is the absolute best education available to humankind. The fact that I was able to realize it while they are still little and here and loving unconditionally instead of when they are thirty and it's too late is among my greatest gifts in life. And so, I now understand the idea behind a gratitude journal and I suppose that's just what my blog has become...only it's out there for public consumption. More to follow...so many thoughts, but it has to end somewhere...