Skiing was a blast. Pete took footage of my old, decrepit ass shooshing down the Bear Creek blue trails, and I just might post it. Just for a laugh. We got there early, and it was the most beautiful winter day you could ask for...if you like the cold even a little bit on occasion, which Pete and I do. Crystal, bright blue sky, without a cloud, and no wind...just good, old-fashioned Northeast cold. We suited and booted and hit the lift. Skiing came back to me like riding a bike, and of course, Pete's mad snowboarding skills never seem to escape him. And it was like the closest I've ever gotten to true meditation. I had the company and laughter of my best friend with me, and once off the chair, I was able to sink my teeth and my edges into the snow and concentrate fully on that moment.

I used to think that marriage was really complicated and hard. And yesterday I realized that it's not complicated. Hard, yes. It's a lot of work. But complicated, no. It's like anything else...raising your kids, taking care of pets or a garden. You have to work at it. And you learn, as you go, what works and what doesn't, and the more time that goes by, you are able to better trust your instincts about what's causing the latest high, low or plateau. For me and Pete, we love each other bigger than that bright blue sky we played beneath yesterday. And we like each other just as much. And if you don't get to spend time with the person/people you like the most in your life, you start to get resentful of those others who keep you from the one(s) with which you really desire time. Leading inevitably to lack of patience with kids, jobs, housework, etc., and then to snapping at each other because you are just pissed and stressed and feeling selfish because all you want is a little undivided attention from that one person.

So yesterday we got that. And I couldn't get enough. I wanted a weekend, a week, a true getaway, just some more time where it was just us, like when we first met, but we could reminisce and get to know each other at the same time. I started to get a little panicked, not wanting to go back to real life, where he wasn't all mine and I wasn't all his. But in the end, we headed home at the right time to our house full of chaos and noise and people thrilled to see us.

And then we passed out on the couch at 8:00.

Now that we've figured out how to actually make an outing like this happen, my hope is that we will do it again. Soon. But if it doesn't, I'm happy to be able to add that day to the decade and a half-long string of memories and adventures that we have together, and just remember it for the excellent time that it was and how it brought us right back to center, right back to that place in the universe where its only me and him.

My kids have off from school Monday. I get a pit of dread in my gut on days off anymore...I have completely forgotten that last year, neither of them was in school, and Lizzy was in the NICU, and our little family was splintered, trying desperately to stay together. I guess I should be grateful that we are here, like this, instead of thinking, "What the hell am I going to do with them today?" It's all about perspective. Anyway, we will most likely be staying in...everyone seems to have a touch of a cold, so venturing out will only bring more germs in, and that doesn't sound like fun to me. So we'll draw and paint and make playdough and just hang out. Doesn't sound so bad when you put it in those terms...it's just the whining and fighting and yapping at me about the latest toy injustice or hunger pang that seriously makes me feel as my personality is splitting itself into multiple compartments and then screaming at me!

Positivity will be key. And then I'll blog to let you know how horrendous the day really was!