The baby slept. Again.
To wake at 5:30 or 6:00, like the me of old, and have an hour to myself in the morning, but be that self while feeling rested is the nearest thing to heaven. I have always been a morning person, and without this hour that has always been so precious to me I have really been lacking something very important. I used to wake up at this hour every day and either work or clean or go for a run, and it would give me not only a sense of autonomy but it was also a source of energy. I've been so drained, obviously from the lack of sleep that the last year threw upon me, but a mental energy has been sucked from me, as well. And to have these small moments is so fulfilling.
I am a simple creature really. Early wake up, an hour alone before anyone else is awake, my coffee uninterrupted. Simple. I'm feeling, for the first time since Lizzy was born, that I might be getting some semblance of a schedule and a life back. There's such hope in me for actually being able to make strides toward physical and mental improvement. I want to get my butt in gear and be ready for bathing suit season...I just feel like I have such a long way to go.
That being said, I would like to know is why the only sidebar ads I am getting on EVERY SINGLE WEBSITE I HIT are for Weight Watchers. Hello, I know!! I feel like there's some cyber-freak following me, trying to make sure I don't forget (like I could) that I need to lose 20 pounds. The dieting has been abysmal for the past year. In the past, I've had decent success with dieting, but only when I could couple it with exercise. I have tried over and over again to get a good diet plan going and failed every time due to stress and exhaustion stealing my willpower, and frankly my desire, to get my physical self back. For me the mental definitely comes before the physical when it comes to fitness. But after I woke from my first full night of sleep the other day, I took a good, long look at myself in the mirror and was horrified at what was staring back at me. Wrinkled and lined, dried out and defeated, I looked like complete and total shit. I tried to do my hair, put on make-up, get dressed...but as my husband would happily interject here, "You can't paint a turd." It was an awful moment.
So I started guzzling water, realizing that all I'd been ingesting for hydration was coffee and diet soda...for months. Yeah, that'll shrivel the hell out of your face, and God knows what it's been doing to my organs. I perish the thought. Water, water and more water. No soda in days. It has already made a huge difference. I've also decided that dairy products and animal protein and fat are the root of all evil, so I'm keeping them to an absolute minimum. And if my current sleep schedule holds up, I will actually be able to wake and exercise like I used to, beginning my day with an endorphin high and a flush to my cheeks, like the me of old.
Could the skinny, youthful mom that I've always envisioned myself being truly be on tomorrow's horizon? My goal when all this baby-making started was to do it young enough that I could be a young, fun mom. Maybe I'll reach that goal? I don't want to get too far ahead of myself and jinx the sleeping craze that everyone's been on. But can you imagine? Me, not in a constant state of self-loathing?
It's Friday! Totally didn't realize that until right now!
Pete will be home later today and I just might surprise him with the can of paint he's been waiting for me to pick for our bathroom. No, it's still not done. And it's my fault because I haven't been able to muster the desire to give a shit about it until now. It would be dandy to have a floor in there. Fine and dandy. And I am totally going for a run this weekend. No doubt. And then Eagles play on Sunday and I could have a preemptive coronary at just the thought of it. It will be ridiculous and my kids' hearing will be deafened because of my big mouth and "annoying clap," as Pete calls it. But they better bring it, those birds of mine. They'd better just bring it.
Off to wake the kids, who were so naughty at bedtime last night, I'm actually looking forward to disturbing their slumber and waking them while it's still dark out.
Come on...you know you've thought the same thing about someone in your life at least one time before. Admit it. Just admit it.
Later on, peeps.
To wake at 5:30 or 6:00, like the me of old, and have an hour to myself in the morning, but be that self while feeling rested is the nearest thing to heaven. I have always been a morning person, and without this hour that has always been so precious to me I have really been lacking something very important. I used to wake up at this hour every day and either work or clean or go for a run, and it would give me not only a sense of autonomy but it was also a source of energy. I've been so drained, obviously from the lack of sleep that the last year threw upon me, but a mental energy has been sucked from me, as well. And to have these small moments is so fulfilling.
I am a simple creature really. Early wake up, an hour alone before anyone else is awake, my coffee uninterrupted. Simple. I'm feeling, for the first time since Lizzy was born, that I might be getting some semblance of a schedule and a life back. There's such hope in me for actually being able to make strides toward physical and mental improvement. I want to get my butt in gear and be ready for bathing suit season...I just feel like I have such a long way to go.
That being said, I would like to know is why the only sidebar ads I am getting on EVERY SINGLE WEBSITE I HIT are for Weight Watchers. Hello, I know!! I feel like there's some cyber-freak following me, trying to make sure I don't forget (like I could) that I need to lose 20 pounds. The dieting has been abysmal for the past year. In the past, I've had decent success with dieting, but only when I could couple it with exercise. I have tried over and over again to get a good diet plan going and failed every time due to stress and exhaustion stealing my willpower, and frankly my desire, to get my physical self back. For me the mental definitely comes before the physical when it comes to fitness. But after I woke from my first full night of sleep the other day, I took a good, long look at myself in the mirror and was horrified at what was staring back at me. Wrinkled and lined, dried out and defeated, I looked like complete and total shit. I tried to do my hair, put on make-up, get dressed...but as my husband would happily interject here, "You can't paint a turd." It was an awful moment.
So I started guzzling water, realizing that all I'd been ingesting for hydration was coffee and diet soda...for months. Yeah, that'll shrivel the hell out of your face, and God knows what it's been doing to my organs. I perish the thought. Water, water and more water. No soda in days. It has already made a huge difference. I've also decided that dairy products and animal protein and fat are the root of all evil, so I'm keeping them to an absolute minimum. And if my current sleep schedule holds up, I will actually be able to wake and exercise like I used to, beginning my day with an endorphin high and a flush to my cheeks, like the me of old.
Could the skinny, youthful mom that I've always envisioned myself being truly be on tomorrow's horizon? My goal when all this baby-making started was to do it young enough that I could be a young, fun mom. Maybe I'll reach that goal? I don't want to get too far ahead of myself and jinx the sleeping craze that everyone's been on. But can you imagine? Me, not in a constant state of self-loathing?
It's Friday! Totally didn't realize that until right now!
Pete will be home later today and I just might surprise him with the can of paint he's been waiting for me to pick for our bathroom. No, it's still not done. And it's my fault because I haven't been able to muster the desire to give a shit about it until now. It would be dandy to have a floor in there. Fine and dandy. And I am totally going for a run this weekend. No doubt. And then Eagles play on Sunday and I could have a preemptive coronary at just the thought of it. It will be ridiculous and my kids' hearing will be deafened because of my big mouth and "annoying clap," as Pete calls it. But they better bring it, those birds of mine. They'd better just bring it.
Off to wake the kids, who were so naughty at bedtime last night, I'm actually looking forward to disturbing their slumber and waking them while it's still dark out.
Come on...you know you've thought the same thing about someone in your life at least one time before. Admit it. Just admit it.
Later on, peeps.
Labels: baby weight, fitness, Weight loss efforts
posted by Kate @ 6:27 AM
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