Ugh
I'm not sure what is up with my brain lately, but it's not been in its best place. I'm weepy and crabby and confused, generally, about where I've been and where I'm going from here. I guess it's just one of those crossroads I'm coming to, yet again, and my reaction is usually to get myself swirled up in a tornado of emotion and then eventually let the dust settle and move into whatever lies in front of me.
I have to acknowledge a piece of this distress that I've been denying for a couple of months. My friend is moving far, far away. And while it is silly to be distressed because we are women in our thirties and should not be effected by such things...this one is whooping my ass. I've included her in my blog time and time again, whether it be for her funny commentary, for being a part of most of my weekends, for being a fabulous photographer, or for just being my dear friend, so I know if you read, you know of her. As of this afternoon, her house is "Under Contract" and she is moving to Florida in three weeks.
We've been through this whole thing before. We moved to Maryland and didn't see her and her family often while we were there (the whopping 15 months that that relo lasted), but when we moved back, we moved into a house that literally looks at the back of their house. We can walk to and from, have the same park, can borrow eggs and share meatballs and gravy when we've made a larger-than-usual batch. (This happened countless times this past winter.) I really thought this is how we'd grow old...with us and our best friends a stone's throw away. (P.S. Her hubby and my hubby are best buds since grade school; he was the Best Man at our wedding...so you begin to see how deep the waters run.)
We've gone from being neighbors to not before, and it only strengthened our friendship. Distance doesn't change anything other than your geographic location, and I know I'm going to love having a reason to go to Florida for a visit. But I don't think she knows (until she reads this) how sad I really am to see them go. And it's not about not having the "comfort" of their family so close by...it's because I never had a sister, and always wanted one. And over the past fifteen years or so, she and I have slowly gotten to really know each other. She has become my sister. We are really different people, fundamentally. (A Virgo and a Gemini. Hello?) But we were always in the same point in our lives at roughly the same time, or what one went through, the other would get there at some point. She and her hubby were getting together around the same time as me and Pete. We each moved into apartments and out of apartments at the same time. They got engaged. We got engaged. We got married. They got married. Houses. Babies. Moves. Family implosions. Rotten gall bladders. We've sort of been through it all together. And my God, she was a rock for me when Elizabeth was sick. Despite the fact that my kids have always called her "Aunt," she has truly become an Aunt to her. She and Lizzy have a connection unlike most, and I know that Lizzy will find strength in their relationship for years to come. That means the world to me. After everything that 2007 brought us, it wasn't until we moved back to NJ and I truly understood how much the concept of home meant to me that I also understood how much that concept had her and her family bundled into it.
So I run the risk of making her really mad (because as sister-friends, we've gotten really good at bickering and sparring, too) by putting this out there. But it's how I feel. And I want her to know how much she'll be missed, how much I love her, and how I will be there for everything, even if I'm far, far away. They are going on such an exciting adventure, and I am thrilled for them. I remember how excited we were to start over and carve out a little place in the world that was all ours. I know they'll do the same...and I know they'll do better at it than we did. But good Lord. I will miss my friend so very much.
It's really, really early on Wednesday morning as I finish this post, and I'm off to exercise. I've managed to workout 6 days a week for the past three weeks, have stopped a whole bunch of destructive bad habits and am feeling pretty proud of myself for finally turning this ship around. I have taken stock of my shortcomings and am trying to improve upon them in realistic steps so I can finally be the person I want to be. We have a playdate scheduled today with the moms and kids at a play place since it's going to rain - AGAIN - so I am hopeful that this day will be a vast improvement over yesterday. Yesterday sucked.
But today is new and untouched. Off I go to better it from the git-go.
I have to acknowledge a piece of this distress that I've been denying for a couple of months. My friend is moving far, far away. And while it is silly to be distressed because we are women in our thirties and should not be effected by such things...this one is whooping my ass. I've included her in my blog time and time again, whether it be for her funny commentary, for being a part of most of my weekends, for being a fabulous photographer, or for just being my dear friend, so I know if you read, you know of her. As of this afternoon, her house is "Under Contract" and she is moving to Florida in three weeks.
We've been through this whole thing before. We moved to Maryland and didn't see her and her family often while we were there (the whopping 15 months that that relo lasted), but when we moved back, we moved into a house that literally looks at the back of their house. We can walk to and from, have the same park, can borrow eggs and share meatballs and gravy when we've made a larger-than-usual batch. (This happened countless times this past winter.) I really thought this is how we'd grow old...with us and our best friends a stone's throw away. (P.S. Her hubby and my hubby are best buds since grade school; he was the Best Man at our wedding...so you begin to see how deep the waters run.)
We've gone from being neighbors to not before, and it only strengthened our friendship. Distance doesn't change anything other than your geographic location, and I know I'm going to love having a reason to go to Florida for a visit. But I don't think she knows (until she reads this) how sad I really am to see them go. And it's not about not having the "comfort" of their family so close by...it's because I never had a sister, and always wanted one. And over the past fifteen years or so, she and I have slowly gotten to really know each other. She has become my sister. We are really different people, fundamentally. (A Virgo and a Gemini. Hello?) But we were always in the same point in our lives at roughly the same time, or what one went through, the other would get there at some point. She and her hubby were getting together around the same time as me and Pete. We each moved into apartments and out of apartments at the same time. They got engaged. We got engaged. We got married. They got married. Houses. Babies. Moves. Family implosions. Rotten gall bladders. We've sort of been through it all together. And my God, she was a rock for me when Elizabeth was sick. Despite the fact that my kids have always called her "Aunt," she has truly become an Aunt to her. She and Lizzy have a connection unlike most, and I know that Lizzy will find strength in their relationship for years to come. That means the world to me. After everything that 2007 brought us, it wasn't until we moved back to NJ and I truly understood how much the concept of home meant to me that I also understood how much that concept had her and her family bundled into it.
So I run the risk of making her really mad (because as sister-friends, we've gotten really good at bickering and sparring, too) by putting this out there. But it's how I feel. And I want her to know how much she'll be missed, how much I love her, and how I will be there for everything, even if I'm far, far away. They are going on such an exciting adventure, and I am thrilled for them. I remember how excited we were to start over and carve out a little place in the world that was all ours. I know they'll do the same...and I know they'll do better at it than we did. But good Lord. I will miss my friend so very much.
It's really, really early on Wednesday morning as I finish this post, and I'm off to exercise. I've managed to workout 6 days a week for the past three weeks, have stopped a whole bunch of destructive bad habits and am feeling pretty proud of myself for finally turning this ship around. I have taken stock of my shortcomings and am trying to improve upon them in realistic steps so I can finally be the person I want to be. We have a playdate scheduled today with the moms and kids at a play place since it's going to rain - AGAIN - so I am hopeful that this day will be a vast improvement over yesterday. Yesterday sucked.
But today is new and untouched. Off I go to better it from the git-go.
posted by Kate @ 9:31 PM
2 Comments:
At June 24, 2009 at 6:59 AM ,
Nicole said...
Speaking as someone who is going through this on the other side, i second your "ugh." I am totally tortured about moving for this very reason. we have a ton of people we know and love in the DC area, but there are a few people here that are very special friends. and i want to curl up in the fetal position and bawl when I think about us not being 10 minutes away from each other, our kids not seeing each other all week long, etc. you would think we would be better at things like this as we get older and are more emotionally mature. but i think we also have learned how truly special and unique friends like this are, and how hard it is to find them out there.
anyway, just my own musings upon reading yours. I totally get it, and even though I am not across the backyard, will help you out in any way I can. love you =)
At June 24, 2009 at 2:17 PM ,
Christine Campbell said...
It's painful to lose the around-the-corner presence of such a close friend and there's no amount of emails, texts, calls or postings that will come close to making it up for it. Write about it, let yourself lean on your wide circle of friends and family who love you -- and reach out to your buddy whenever you can. Don't think for a second that this isn't going to be hard on her too. She's off on an adventure but she will miss you every day. Hold each other up and trust in your friendship. You may find you're even closer because of this journey.
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