Talk about drama...

When I created this blog and named it, I had no idea how aptly named it would be. I drop the "breast lump" bomb last week and put my family, friends and readers on a pincushion of suspense waiting to know, "What happened with the mammogram, etc.?" I did not mean to leave anyone hanging, and let me just say that I am utterly overwhelmed by the messages I've received from people letting me know that you are thinking of and praying for little old me. Thank you for the love.

The reason for the suspense is this: yesterday was a big old flop. My blood test results were still not back when I went to the radiologist. I sat, filling out the questionnaire, and responded honestly to Question #1: Are you, or is there a chance that you may be, pregnant? I responded that I was awaiting the results of an HCG Quantitative screening, but that home pregnancy tests were negative. So I get changed, put on my pretty paper gown that is designed to give flashes of bilateral side-boob, only to get the old heave-ho. They wouldn't do the mammogram without a negative blood test.

Later in the afternoon, I got the results. Not pregnant. No thyroid trouble. So now the other tests are re-scheduled for tomorrow morning.

The limbo and waiting are intense. Pete and I are starting to fold a little. Nothing terrible, just seeing the edges wearing a little thin and the small rays of helplessness and fear seeping into our daily routine. Hugging more frequently and holding on a little bit longer. Saying how fine everything is, but then acknowledging, aloud, that there's a chance that it's not. Taking a lot of time to talk to and hold our kids, separately and together. Because you just never know.

I guess these kinds of scares are gifts...they help you seize every moment and not take the little things for granted. That's where I am today. Calm. Grateful. Frightened. Ready.